More and more lately I've been feeling like there are two versions of me. Well more than two versions but two primary versions. There's Sam-the-Network-Admin who runs a department for a growing company and her daily trials in the corporate world, and there's Sam-the-Artist who's prepping for the summer show season and scheduling wedding shoots. Of the two I think I'd rather be friends with the second Sam. She's less serious and more outgoing, quoting haiku and Leonard Nimoy, wearing rain boots with smiling whales on them. Lately I've been working on bringing more of the second Sam into the first. The first has some hold overs from my childhood, from too many serious college classes - Linear Algebra and Principles of Materials. I see echos of my family's ongoing angst in her, and find that it's angstyness without reason.
I'm also pushing up against society's (and my family's) definition of what happiness is. The idea that being alone makes one lonely. The fear that even though I'm content today in being alone that one day I'll wake up too old to find someone. That stockpiling money into savings leads to happiness.
Artist-Sam brings her own conundrums with her. Is the addition of
another haiku tattoo and teal hair streaks a natural extension of
personality or is it that I feel the need to outwardly express the lack
of inclusion in the "normal" that I feel every day to a greater or
lesser degree? Teal hair will eventually fade, but tattoos are
forever.
