 |
| Twirling Floral Skirt by Bill Pevlor |
Not that I recall what I was dreaming this morning. When I started this post the next day was December 1st, and December last year was full if melancholy and drama and action. It was when I decided to finally walk away from a six and a half year relationship. It was about finally taking the step to make a necessary change. Sometimes in life you have to let go of things that are bad for you to make room for growth. And it's not about regret. I don't regret leaving. It's about the loss of the potential. But I can't make a tea kettle into a paper crane. I can only truly change myself.
Going into this December when I originally wrote this I had the expectation that the emotional landscape would be more mellow, rolling hills of grass. I thought my tea-kettle-and-paper-crane moment had come and gone in November when someone close to me, going through a (in my eyes) self-inflicted mess, let loose on me two weeks before my big show. Poor assumption on my part. Now two weeks into one of the months I dislike most I'm finding I spoke too soon. That same person has decided that unless I'm willing to play Dr Phil, in person (they lives 4 hours away), that we won't be having even polite-and-happy interactions. Oh, and that they won't be heading home for the holidays for the first time ever because for the first time in three years I'll be here. "You know where to find me...." was the parting line.
Who are we without our battles? And if we could drop the weight of other people's emotions could we fly? I found out I'm being promoted at work, but I find I have no one to share it with. Intellectually the people who know (the number of which can be counted on one hand) are congratulatory, but I don't know that they truly know what it means. And with that promotion comes a coworker (and friend) who is decidedly unhappy about my being his new boss. Great. The lesson this month seems to be more about not taking other people's emotions and actions personally.
Going into this December when I originally wrote this I had the expectation that the emotional landscape would be more mellow, rolling hills of grass. I thought my tea-kettle-and-paper-crane moment had come and gone in November when someone close to me, going through a (in my eyes) self-inflicted mess, let loose on me two weeks before my big show. Poor assumption on my part. Now two weeks into one of the months I dislike most I'm finding I spoke too soon. That same person has decided that unless I'm willing to play Dr Phil, in person (they lives 4 hours away), that we won't be having even polite-and-happy interactions. Oh, and that they won't be heading home for the holidays for the first time ever because for the first time in three years I'll be here. "You know where to find me...." was the parting line.
Who are we without our battles? And if we could drop the weight of other people's emotions could we fly? I found out I'm being promoted at work, but I find I have no one to share it with. Intellectually the people who know (the number of which can be counted on one hand) are congratulatory, but I don't know that they truly know what it means. And with that promotion comes a coworker (and friend) who is decidedly unhappy about my being his new boss. Great. The lesson this month seems to be more about not taking other people's emotions and actions personally.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.